" It hit me like a ton of bricks! couldn't believe ...."

      It hit me like a ton of bricks! I couldn't believe it I was engaged.  It was May 15th like any other Sunday I thought, we headed to Greenville to the Art  Festival, because I absolutely amazed by the things people create.  We walked through it was and it was amazing the art that was displayed and the prices the art was getting sold at, it was crazy. The food there was also very good and so many varieties to choose from.  So we went through it and of course we had to go starbucks after, it was a must. It was hot so  we a got a frappe and it was so good like always.  Then we went across the street to falls park and it was packed but still very hot at the same I was ready to seat down, so we walked and walked. I seen a swing chair and I had suggested we seat there but no, my boyfriend said, "I got a place we can sit".  So headed to the rocks to seat a very close view of the water fall. We sat there and sat there drinking the frappe and talking  and watching everything that was going on around us.  Then I was ready to get up because I was burning up and sweating so much so I said, " I'm ready, I'm Hot". I said it again and nothing, so then I said, "babe are you ready my arms are sweating puddles over here". We started getting up and I was still complaining about the weather then I asked him, "can you hold my purse will quick"?  He took it and the put it down I was thinking like what are you  doing but I got up anyways. Then as I was good and up I seen him going down and started talking at first I was not really listening because I was so concentrated on me sweating. Then I realized oh my goodness he saying all these sweet things and his voice was beginning to get shaky. I was getting so freaked out in the inside it was crazy. Then he asked me and of course I said ,"Tutu", that's what I call him. Then I said, YES!!!. He was so nervous his hands were shaking so bad he couldn't even take my promise ring off to put the new one on, so had to do it; he was so cute. Then realized this is the exact same place where he gave me my promise ring at, so romantic. Now , he's my finace and I couldn't happier.

" I can't believe I was ever intimidated by ..."

         I can't believe I was ever intimidated by competition.  Being intimidated by competition use to really make me doubt myself and my skills.  I would go places to compete and find myself  not being able to do to the best of my ability because I would  get psyched out by watching my competitors before me perform. Being psyched out by my competitors was the worst feeling in the world. Even while competing the thoughts of  the competitors performance plays over and over in your head like a movie and it knocks you off your own performance.  When this happens I usually ended up not doing so well because I have my mind on others performances.  After a while of not doing well I finally took competition by a challenge.  Making my competition a challenge was the best thing that ever happened to me. I started thinking of my competitors as someone I needed to beat, well I had to beat rather than someone who intimidates me. I would still watch them before I went but this time I would just watch them to see what they did wrong or not strong enough. I would do this so that when I went out there I would show the judges how it is suppose to be done and what a better technique I had. Now my competition never intimidates me and never will.

" I'm writing this blog,but I should be..."

        I'm writing this blog, but I should working out right now.  I should be running around the neighborhood in sweats and a long sleeve shirt.  Then, when I got  home I would be lifting weights and after I would  go and do some cruches. At, this moment I would be starting to sweat because I love to sweat  it lets me know that I'm burning calories and that makes me happy. Instead I'm writing this blog thinking about working out and if I don't work after I get done writing this how I would feel. I don't appear to be the most in shape person by any means, but I do work out all the time so that I don't go over a specific weight.  Staying  in shape and working out is very important to because I have low self- esteem when it comes to my body shape, which I don't show it  a lot but I really do. Writing about this right now has me looking down at my body and not being happy because I find myself seeing all the negative things that I would like to work off and tone - up. This blog is really helping me on focusing on what workouts I need to do more of not only that but what other foods I need to subtract from my diet.  Now, I guess I will be ending this blog because I need to workout before I eat lunch.

"In January, I was..."

      In January I was a just another tri -county student going to classes just to go. I felt like I was stuck in mud without a tow truck. I felt giving up and making this my last semester of tri-county for awhile. But for some reason I kept bringing myself to go to classes over and over with foggy mind. After going to classes repeatedly something just felt like a vacuum sucking some of the fog out my mind; and with that I started just getting this feeling of knowing that I didn't want to disappointment myself. Since, I really needed to focus on my science classes for radiology tech at the moment. So I told myself that I would finish this semester out with the best possible grade I could get at the moment and just keep pushing myself. So I ended passing my most important classes that I really did need. Then after that semester I changed my major to surgical technology and I could not  be happier with my choice  because I also needed that science class in this new major which really helps out a lot . In the end, January came out to be a stand-out month for me. Now, I have a new look on my classes, myself, and my future career that I can't wait to start hopefully next year!!!

"Sometimes, I feel like a...."

Sometimes, I feel like a outsider always looking in even when I'm in the "middle". I feel like curtains in a bedroom when I am actually the king size bed. Its so weird how everyone wants to be around me at times when I jus want to be alone. So, in this instance I am  like a body with it's soul looking in on it observing everyone around it. At these moments seeing the smerks, the frowns, the shoulder rubs, are the things I miss when I am  in the "middle".So I feel myself being blinded by attention not seeing how people are actually responding to my actions. Most of the time its easier to just fake it and pretend like  all the attention is a priviledge for being such a social butterfly; when actually its just the opposite. When I find myself  in this unfortunate, uncomfortable positon I try to think of  how it would be if I was actually needing attention and just could not get to see how the "middle" feels. But still I think maybe its easier to just enjoy life the way it was given to me whether than mope about. Because there is always some person some where wishing for those moments in your life. So, maybe being in the "middle" is not so bad real maybe it would be better I was just near it!